Reluctance

As I was cleaning out my emails today (Finn is home sick).... I found a blog invite to a friend.  I think about my blog and the importance of it and what we are missing by my lack of participation and negligence.  I don't know why I stopped.....Perhaps I got too far behind and anxious of the catch up.  Maybe I 'blogged" for the wrong reasons.  Blogs have certainly changed and no one really reads other family blogs unless there is some commercial or educational gain from reading it.  Life is too busy and quite frankly, I don't care that much to read about other people's birthday cakes, vacations and sports games etc.....  I spend way too much time on the dumb computer anyways.  I can't read others blogs unless it has a real purpose in my life.  Sad but true.

So, here I am.... Life is still good.  My boys have grown up so much in the last few undocumented years.  I love them so much and am so proud of them.  However, I am scared to come back.  What must I learn?  I don't even see the right format in the above menu.  Crap!  How can I fit it into my life without getting too caught up in events and not focusing on the here and now.  I think the thing that is always in the back of my mind is that I  do miss this.  I miss documenting our lives.  I miss seeing the fun memories and the changing faces of my children on the screen.  I need this now.

I also need a place that is mine.  I need to vent.  I need to share.  I need to create a journal of our family in this crazy technological world that documents everything but keeps nothing.  I have thousands of pictures and if my computer crashed or my house burned down, I would have virtually nothing.  Nothing.  That is sad.  But.... if I kept up on my blog, I can access it anywhere and therefore my record and efforts and not lost.

And with that... I will try.  I will relearn blogger and make friends with the changes.  I will make efforts to take more pics add videos (that I never learned years ago) and begin the forgotten journey of the Martinis family blog.  Who cares if no one reads it...?  I will do what I always wanted to do and get the freaking thing published.  Make it into a book.  We looooove books and I am a happy paper addict.  I love paper.  Thank you Great-Grandpa Tate and Grandma Baker.  I feel empowered with paper and this will be the top of my paper mountain.

I will be more committed.  I will try.  We will be friends again.  My physical friends are all moving away so this will fill my life in a way that I will need for a while.  Life is changing.  I am sad about all the changes, but will find ways to better my life and substitute goals for missing friendships.

Life is good.  (I say that in a whisper!)

PS.  Today is 9/11.  14 years ago they blew up the Trade Towers and the Pentagon.  Very sad memories indeed.....Our President is the worst in perhaps history and our country is spiraling out of control.  But that is for another day... maybe.  I will not forget.