This post is for me (primarily). I need to write about my experience with my Grandmother and the last few days of her life. I will start with the beginning of the week. My parents were here visiting. I love that. My Dad called my Grandmother every night. EVERY night. On Sunday night he called her at my Aunt Julie's. He also always puts her (and everyone else!!) on speaker phone. I was cleaning up the kitchen, listening to their conversation. My Grandmother was sick and sounded very bad. She thought she caught a virus from one of her paid helpers. It was annoying that one of her helpers would come to her home sick, but she is old and can get sick easily. My Dad told her to go home and get some rest and that he would call her tomorrow.
Monday morningish, Tia calls and tells everyone (I know this because she was on SPEAKER..) that Grandma fell sometime in the night and was very, very cold and that they had to take her away in an ambulance. She must have gotten up to turn up the heater, but instead turned it down or off. It had just had a spring snow fall in SLC and was in the 30's. Her core temp was very low and we were very concerned. Long story short, we finally get the news (after two days) that she fell because she had a massive heart attack and broke her kneecap, hip, pelvis and lower back AND she has pneumonia. Bad news. Sad news.
My parents decided to leave the next day and I planned to leave with them. I knew how this would turn out and wanted to be there. My friends and husband came to the rescue and I was able to get on a plane with very little worry in my heart, at least for the matters of home. We went straight to the hospital and there lay my sweet Grandmother, lame, sick, fragile and even sad. She was uncomfortable and extremely unhappy, but smiled at me, touched my face and even laughed at my jokes about busting her out of there. She knew I was there and that was enough. She was pretty aware of everyone and the circumstances of her injuries. I spent a lot of time at the hospital, but it was hard and strange. She was hallucinating a lot and wanted desperately to get out of that bed and OUT of the hospital. She wanted to go home. My Grandmother is Danish and was strong as an ox. I think she may have coined that phrase. It was a difficult struggle to keep her in the bed. On top of that she would yank out all her tubes, mask etc. The second night I was there, I stayed with her all night. I was there from 9-9 and it was an experience to remember.
It was a very difficult night, both physically and emotionally. She was beyond miserable and it was a fight to keep her in bed (even with all her broken bones and poor breathing). My family was either not getting the answers they needed and worried/paralyzed to act, so I decided to take action. I am good at taking charge and playing boss and I needed for everyone, especially my Grandmother to see the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Before my evening shift ended, the doctor came in and we (meaning he and I....remember I am playing boss..) made some decisions about how to make her more comfortable and allow her to get some much needed rest. The rest of the day was fairly calm and my Grandma was able to sleep which was huge blessing. She was not in pain either which was a concern of mine since I had seen her wail in pain the evening before.
The next morning was my time with Grandma. She was back to being unhappy and miserable. They had lapsed in getting her some medicine so now she was awake and wanted OUT!! After an insane sponge bath (thanks Tia... you are so much better at that), I sat down with a nurse and asked her
how to proceed with "comfort care". Things needed to change and hospital care could keep her miserably alive for a long time. I know my Dad and family did not
have all the information or guidance and I would try hard to figure
things out so that they could make a decision that help my Grandmother.
The nurse was wonderful, kind and so compassionate. She had the voice
of a child which I really found comforting and I know she was briefly
put into our lives to help us.
I had some solid answers and knew how to proceed. I felt relief and deep sadness. As I sat there alone, the doctor came in. This is an important detail, because the only person in the last few days to see and talk to a doctor was me. He was a young, cute Indian doctor with a kind and gentle disposition. He said to me, "Remember what she wants. Is this how she wants to spend the rest of her life? Help your family. She is not getting any better." I knew what to do and knew that my family would also know how to proceed. My Dad and his siblings got to the hospital and I gave them all the information. We stood there in the hall and I watched as a weight was lifted. It was not my decision, it had to be theirs. They knew it was the right thing to do and the process got started. It was very bittersweet.
I swear to you that my Grandmother's dying wish was to get out of that bed. The hospital had a wonderful and gifted PT. She came in before my Dad got there and I asked her to please get my Grandmother out of bed and to the bathroom. Through all of this she had struggled to maintain her modesty and dignity. I knew that getting her up was important and needed to be done. This PT got her out and walking. It was a sweet and difficult sight. She even got her all dressed in her pajamas which was a huge relief to my Grandma. This was all happening during our conversation about how to proceed in the hall. I would go in and out helping Grandma and talking to my family. Well, here is our family miracle. The moment my Dad and his siblings made the decision to move to complete comfort care, my Grandmother woke up. I think getting out of bed helped, but Heavenly Father blessed us with an alert, kind, pain-free Grandmother for the remaining part of the day.
The rest of the day was hard to describe. It was so full of love and wonderment. My Grandmother could hear us and see us better than she had in many, many years. She was deaf in one hear and 99% blind. We spent the day telling her good bye, praying, loving her and just hanging out with my sweet extended family. We filled the room and hallway. It was very moving and I am so blessed to have been part of her last day. Finally after many hours of good byes and then more good byes, my Grandmother took off her oxygen and went to sleep. A few hours later she passed away with my Dad, and Aunts by her side. Quinn woke up in California a few minutes before she died. She had a strong pull on all of us. It will be hard to not have her around. I loved her deeply.
My good bye was very sweet. My kind 97 year old Grandmother (one month shy) told me that she loved me and that she would miss me too. She told me to tell my boys to do well in school and that she loved them and Eric. Mothers day and her birthday have come and gone. I felt a sad void. I absolutely know that it was her time. I know that she is happier. I just miss her.
I will post about yellow sticks and gathering lambs next week. I don't want to wait too long and lose the funny side of death. Yes, there was a funny side. Let me just say, that I am grateful for the gospel. I know that I will see my sweet Grandmother(s) again. With that, I find peace.
P.S. Tia, you are amazing. You are the glue sister! I love you!!
P.S. Tia, you are amazing. You are the glue sister! I love you!!
