I love this picture. I hate this picture. I can feel that familar pain as I look at this picture. It is final. It is still raw. It hurts. I am sad. As usual I have catching up to do.... but I can't make myself write about this. I want to and then I cry. I have been sleeping really crazy since we got home from the beach. I have dreamed a lot about my Grandma. I have also been waking up a lot, filled with restless emotion. I am a sleeper so this really stinks.
Today I am sad and yes, I feel sorry for myself. On days like today I want to be close to family, to feel their love and support for me. Often I suffer in silent and as I get older, I like that method less and less. Now that the storm has calmed, I have big regrets about my sweet Grandmother. I should have gone out there in February. I should have called her more. My kids should have spent more time with her. The should haves and what ifs are bringing me down.
It is hard for me to think of her house being broken down, given away and eventually sold. That is the last little piece of my childhood gone, forever. I grieve the loss of my Grandma, her home and the last of my childhood. It is hard for me to accept. Hard.
This week on Facebook there has been a lot of death. Just this week alone, someone lost a brother, father, Grandmother and a friend. I realize I am getting old and this is the road ahead. Life is fragile. Not only am I getting old, but my parents are as well. I don't like that. Gramps has cancer and only has a few months to live. I don't like that at all. It is hard living away. We miss out. We don't get to serve and love our families like we should. It makes me feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I even feel alone.
So, like I said... today I am sad. I have lots of good, happy things to write about and post, but I won't. Not today. I am grateful for a wonderful family. We all love each other and that is really special. Still, I feel down. Darn.
Life is good.... and sad sometimes!
Today I am sad and yes, I feel sorry for myself. On days like today I want to be close to family, to feel their love and support for me. Often I suffer in silent and as I get older, I like that method less and less. Now that the storm has calmed, I have big regrets about my sweet Grandmother. I should have gone out there in February. I should have called her more. My kids should have spent more time with her. The should haves and what ifs are bringing me down.
It is hard for me to think of her house being broken down, given away and eventually sold. That is the last little piece of my childhood gone, forever. I grieve the loss of my Grandma, her home and the last of my childhood. It is hard for me to accept. Hard.
This week on Facebook there has been a lot of death. Just this week alone, someone lost a brother, father, Grandmother and a friend. I realize I am getting old and this is the road ahead. Life is fragile. Not only am I getting old, but my parents are as well. I don't like that. Gramps has cancer and only has a few months to live. I don't like that at all. It is hard living away. We miss out. We don't get to serve and love our families like we should. It makes me feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I even feel alone.
So, like I said... today I am sad. I have lots of good, happy things to write about and post, but I won't. Not today. I am grateful for a wonderful family. We all love each other and that is really special. Still, I feel down. Darn.
Life is good.... and sad sometimes!
2 comments:
THAT WAS SAD. I should have done something for you. I will tell you that I just called my grandma after i read this. LOVE YOU!
I read this before our trip and I literally couldn't leave a comment.. it just made me feel too empty and sad. I so relate to the end of an era and it pains me to the core. What a precious lady. It's so sad to say goodbye to these sweet, authentic people; so hard to be left behind. I'm sorry for your pain and sorry you were feeling alone. We love you. "Friends are family you make for yourself."
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